Dear White Man

After a sleepless night this is probably finally my first #DearWhiteMan Dr. Fanie once said: "Pre94 SA, the streets were dull and grey with just white men in suits. Nothing else. No colour. No women. 94 came and life began to show in the work place."

I have been thinking long and hard about how there needs to be a generation of white men who are intentionally different men. Intentionally deconstructing the white-male-kingdom & way of being in the work place and intentionally choosing a different way of being.
That is choosing a good way of being that is not a reactionary way of being.
I mean this in the work place and how they relate with themselves and others.

I mean this in what drives their patterns of behavior which ultimately is how the modern world was built.
That is noting the specific way they have been wired which were the methods or seeds of colonial rule.
And this is particularly important for the Christian South African man to do.
Otherwise things are not going to work between us.
Every other man in modern history has been measured against the white man and has had to improve themselves or forced to improve. But to improve to what standard exactly? And why was that the standard? Of course the most powerful choose the standard.
It is time for reset, to remodel and be something better.
I have seen glimpses here and there of what that could be.

We have all been going through intensive change here but I think not much is said about this.

DearBlackMan

A young ambitious #DearBlackMan on the 4 of July says: "You have a vision for all of Africa. What is it about South Africans? That is fascinating, whenever I speak to a South African they have a vision for the whole continent of Africa. In America we don't, not even in Europe. What is it about Africa?"
#proudlySouthAfrican ✊🏽👊🏿

DearBlackMan: Coffee & Jasmine

It's Friday, whatever happened to Thursday?? I totally missed blessing #DearBlackMan until he served me coffee like a queen at M&B. Holding the cup with both hands and almost bowing to me as he hands it to me looking at me with dignity and with a smile.

He does this as though it were not his job but his absolute pleasure to serve me. He switches between English and Xhosa with ease as though it were one language. He is not his job. He is a prince who chooses to be a servant. I walk away honoured, feeling as though no tip would ever be equivalent to such humanizing and dignifying service.

It was the same story when I once stopped two #DBM walking to their construction work. Rough hands that handle bricks and other dusty and heavy materials.

Dressed in his Orlando Pirates shirt with pride, I asked him to do something for me that was clearly unexpected and unusual. "Uxolo bhuti. Ndicela undisikele la-flower torho."
I asked him to snip a flower for me. The flower was jasmine and I had to have it.

The two men immediately fell into a sacred kind of silence. No one dared to say a word even though they had been chatting as they walked. He reached upwards where it was too high for me to reach. And with his calloused hardworking hands he reached the jasmine with trembling hands. Unsure how to pick it. Too honoured to ask why it is that I needed such a flower.

He broke off the smallest amount of jasmine imaginable, purely out of nervousness.
He turned around towards me to give me this prize. He held this little branch with both hands. Hands almost trembling.

The silence almost sacred. He hands it to me as though it had been his idea all along. He hands it to me as though it were a wedding ring and would I do him the honour of accepting it.

This is all without a word.
His friend too stood motionless. I thanked him and they walked away awestruck and unable to even ask me why I wanted the flower.

They walked away in complete silence. even I wondered what had just happened. I would have instructed him to break off a bigger branch but the moment had been far too sacred.

#DearBlackMan you are a man of great honour. You are not your job. You are a prince in servants clothing.

Good Looking DearBlackMan

I just complimented a very good looking #DearBlackMan on his shirt. Truth is his haircut was on point. And the texture of his hair is just simply stunning. His shoes and pants are just the right colour combination. The trouble is, I couldn't possibly tell him all of that as it would have all seemed like I was trying to do something of which I really wasn't.

I complimented a young dear white man on his hat the other day. The way he also lit up as this one did, this reveals to me that people are stingy out there with compliments.

But, once I saw a #dearblackman who was so smart and good looking on a train to work once. I was so awestruck I couldn't even bring myself to compliment him. Instead I nearly got off the wrong train station. I thought such silly things only happen in the movies. Thankfully I have only been awestruck once. So no jumping off the wrong station.
#confessionsofablackwoman #fortheloveofmensfashion

Dear Black Man

#DearBlackMan yesterday I found myself sharing a secret all black women know. I don't know what came over me to say such a thing to a non-black-woman. I told this fellow sister-who-cant-get-a-tan (this is just to make you laugh Samantha), that, no black woman lives in fear of wondering whether you #DBM like her or not. In fact she is always sure that of course you like her since you give her very little reason to believe otherwise. Of course, the-sister-who-cant-get-a-tan, could not believe this.

I told her the question is never does he like her, the question is does she like him? Black women spend their days ducking from the calls of adoration from the #DearBlackMan.

This was after yet another unsuccessful solo time I tried to have the other night, the #DearBlackMan thought it is yet again, just his moment, of course. Well, there is a huge downside as you can imagine even though other male species have been said to need a drink before they can boldly say things to a woman.

The #DearBlackMan is rather overly confident of himself, which also translates into the dear black woman's overconfidence about her demand. Which is a dangerous situation for everyone. Good innocent #DearBlackMen who are not trying to do the same are unfortunately at first most likely to be painted with the same brush. Poor good man, suffering once more.

Also, the dear black man because of his overconfidence and sport of picking up women at will, may end up with several women at the same time. Which is just wrong.
Second, this also feeds in the black woman's insecurity of being willing to take a man who is already taken just because he offers himself to her as though he did not have two other girl friends.

I have heard too many black women accept the unacceptable. I would even say that our black woman feed this monster. It is no surprise that the two crimes we have witnessed of late are two black young men who have wives, yet have known girlfriends. Of course not all men are like this. To say that would be to betray the very point of #DearBlackMan.

The other problem is of course to produce very skeptical black woman like myself who simply refuses to be outsmarted by the well practiced charms of the #dearblackman. Unfair to some, but fair to a lot. I hope I have not betrayed the sisterhood here.

Churchill Quote

'Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.'

~ Winston Churchill 

Letters to my Child: your name

#LetterstomyChild
Beloved child, don't you ever forget your name you hear?

Others may try to change it to suit their tongue. You may dislike it and change it because you have heard too many whispers and you may doubt yourself.

You may forget who you are. When you forget you will become anything the first person decides you will be. You are not your insecurities.

You are beloved. You are created in the only image worth imitating, the image of the one and only Holy God. Shake off all other images for they are false images.

Letters to my Child

#Letterstomychild
Precious child, however old you are, wherever you may find yourself, when you are broken do not fight it.
Yield to the thumping sound. If you do, you will not shatter into pieces when the hammer is greater than you can bear. Be too soft to break so that God can easily mold what He wishes. So that the enemy finds pleasure only for a little while but soon he shall realise that his hammer was a useful tool. For you will not be scattered nor will you have to explain yourself.

Dear Child, learn the art of surrender, you might never have to fight. You will only ever fight yourself to surrender after that you are the winner. You will learn that the hammer is not your greatest adversary or form of suffering but you and your choices are.

Jada Pinkett-Smith Confronts the Hip Hop Culture's ideologies on women and men

 Stolen from Facebook

Jada Pinkett-Smith: "The War on Men Through the Degradation of Woman"

As we look at societies where the women are lost, struggling for education and otherwise disregarded, versus those who consider women the center of their communities, Jada's words ring all the more truer. Read what she has to say below:

How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye's of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only.

The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection.

There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can't recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer.

He doesn't recognize that the [creation] of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.

He doesn't recognize that it's his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man's heart and a man's heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER out weigh love.

May we all find our way.

Jada Pinkett-Smith

DearBlackMan's greeting will save the day

Yesterday, after a long day, on my way to see a very gracious #dearwhiteman, I am worried that I am just not in a great emotional space. There are too many thoughts in my head and I have not been able to shake them off as things have been so intense. I do not want to dump anything heavy on him as I love processing in my head/heart first. However I cannot shake off the heaviness as I am still caught up in the emotion of it all and the questions are plaguing my mind. I do not want to be heavy but I am. Then, I walk past  a #DearBlackMan in my pensive state. I am also rushing. He is a security guard and full of dignity. He looks at me or was it right past my pensive face and into my soul. With dignity and patient purpose he says: "Hello sisi". I look back at him quickly as though surprised that someone would find it within them to greet such a pensive person who is walking fast. I look back at him, curiously, honoured and I say "molo bhuti." 

As I looked him greet me I felt his entire soul physically uplift me, like one placing me on their shoulders to remind me that someone thinks I am great. 

I felt him lift me up with every ounce of his being. My heaviness left immediately and I was amazed at how it was that one can greet another with such simple words and yet simultaneously 'unburden' them. How do you greet someone using only two words and yet leave them feeling as though you lifted them on your shoulders? Exalting them above yourself and thus above their own problems? I have experienced this on several occasions, but this time was the second most memorable moment, well, excluding one other greeting by an older dear white man that whose simple greeting became not so simple and powerful. It was a greeting that changed the atmosphere and left light mysteriously hovering above where we sat. We talked of it for days to come. Well, he only greeted me that way, to my horror making me the center of attention while I was completely unprepared for this sudden spotlight particularly from someone so influential. Someone who was only supposed to walk past me, as they often did. I did not judge them for it either, I expected to be ignored. This was a man whose name I dared not ask. All I knew was that he was important to those who walked with him as they seemed to worship the ground he walked and positioned their speech so that he may favour them. He was in his fine working suits. I was just young and doing something worthwhile but bottom of the chain but he greeted me like he'd met the most important person there. It was awkward but amazing. Of course that was a once off situation. Sometimes that is all you need.

Yesterday was not a once off situation. I have been healed by many nameless a #dearblackman on the road on many occasions. He will find an honest soul to soul or spirit to spirit connection in the most effortless and natural way, saying 'hello' and meaning it to his core. The results will be almost spiritual. It will be as though he sees your soul. He sees that you are good and he awakens that goodness with a compassionate greeting.

A few minutes later I met my friend, as gracious, humble as he always is. It had been a long day at his work too. I was joyful and light and dancing to the music of the marimbas playing next to where I found him. I was so glad that the nameless #dearblackman interrupted me with his soulful, uplifting "hello" because it would have taken much longer to feel joyful.

#DearBlackMan you are the most emotionally intelligent and spiritually aware human being I know. You are a healer and I am a better woman because of you. You have been aware everytime I have I found myself in a heavy space and you make it your duty to take off the yoke off my shoulders so that I can walk taller. So that I can remember what is important. So that I can believe and keep going. #DearBlackMan particularly you who is without status because of the job you hold, I honour you and I thank you for stopping to uplift me with your simple "hello or molo". It is as though you exist to strengthen me. Wait a minute... you did this for me in Israel too in my brief encounter with me. DearBlackMan you are the most compassionate, strengthening human being indeed. 

Cape Town's Moment

All eyes seem to be on Cape Town. The ANC celebrates its 103 celebrations in Cape Town the place where there has been much talk about racism particularly in the last few months. The ANC's choice then to bring their celebrations to Cape Town is strategic. It will be a success for that day, I do not know if it will be a success in the months to follow. It is however an important gesture to put pressure against racism perhaps. 

Cape Town is also the place where the fire of revival is supposed to breakout. Revival looks like restitution, reconciliation and healing. It's not some airy fairy thing. Cape Town is perhaps facing her finest hour. She was born to rewrite the books of history. She will turn the city on its head. She will heal the nations. If this fire is real it's going to look like love! Wait a minute didn't Jim Lafoon address this about Cape Town and the fire in relationships and healing? I think it's time to dance to the tune of healing fire. There's no denying it now. The music is only just beginning. The fire is only about to get hotter. Dance by choice or by...