Love has rules of its own. It is senseless and nonsensical. It is foolishness to the outsider and wisdom to the partaker. It is irritating and boring to the onlooker. It is exciting and exhilarating to the ones engrossed in it. It is illogical to the thinker and logic to its drinker. It is clearly a thing not to be observed but to be had.
Showing posts with label REFLECTIONS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label REFLECTIONS. Show all posts
Monday, October 15, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Inspiration to Believe
We live by faith and not by sight so that the God of glory may display His glory through us.
What greatness is there if all I achieve is what I can fulfill in my own human strength? It seems noble but it is not only boring but it is a lot smaller than what is really possible. Faith is an invitation to live larger and beyond yourself.
Yes, there is a higher place to live from. This is a place where eagles soar, a place where lions close their mouths and rather choose to sit with you for a night rather than shred you to pieces.
There is a place where the fire does not burn a single strand of your hair because you have greater, truer fire that burns brighter in you than any fire you could ever be placed in. This is when the all consuming fire shows up in the midst of the man-made fire.
Then you can dance in the fire. This is faith which the just shall live by. This is the faith that makes us righteous.
What greatness is there if all I achieve is what I can fulfill in my own human strength? It seems noble but it is not only boring but it is a lot smaller than what is really possible. Faith is an invitation to live larger and beyond yourself.
Yes, there is a higher place to live from. This is a place where eagles soar, a place where lions close their mouths and rather choose to sit with you for a night rather than shred you to pieces.
There is a place where the fire does not burn a single strand of your hair because you have greater, truer fire that burns brighter in you than any fire you could ever be placed in. This is when the all consuming fire shows up in the midst of the man-made fire.
Then you can dance in the fire. This is faith which the just shall live by. This is the faith that makes us righteous.
Monday, July 30, 2012
The glory of dying to live
We may have falsely believed that we were just people chasing dreams or we may have been striving to make something out of our lives.
I have a growing suspicion that we have had it all wrong. What I am begining to believe more fully is that what we are in essence is a great God adventure. Maybe we are an adventure God has longed to live in our lifetime but we have been too self absorbed to see anything more. First we must die, that we may live in His great adventure. Our small thinking that leads to selfish ambitions prevent us from experiencing the greatest God adventures God had mapped for us to live. Adventures that were planned to bring Him glory and fame by living unlimited lives. Yet we refuse to die.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Passion Write
I want to write words that resuscitate your heart.
I want to write words that make you want to live more than you ever wanted to before you read this.
I want to write words that inspire invincible love and irrepressible hope.
This is why I write.
I want to write words that make you want to live more than you ever wanted to before you read this.
I want to write words that inspire invincible love and irrepressible hope.
This is why I write.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
SUBMISSION: HOW FAR DOES IT GO?
1Samuel 25:25-27 NET
I have heard it preached many times sadly by women, that a woman must submit to her husband at all times even when he is wrong as long as she has alerted her husband, whatever he choses to do or not to do is on his head and it is no longer on the woman's head. Not so with Abigail. Abigail heard of the folly of her husband, she knew that his folly had placed them under great danger, even death. She was not about to submit to a foolish death sentence. She would act quickly and without his knowledge because he would prevent her from doing what is right. I believe that she was inspired or motivated by God to act as she did. She did so even though she knew her husband's foolishness, she was not afraid of his reaction afterwards.
Abigail's response to David was almost poetic in her choice of her words to appease his rage. She spoke to his identity and prophetically declared his destiny. David must have been so impressed by her that he thought "I wish that fool dies so that I can marry that beautiful, wise woman who understands me so well and is so convinced about my destiny in these trying days."
Nabal died. David married Abigail in 10 days she did not even get a chance to mourn. She felt honoured by David for marrying her. She could have died had she submitted to a foolish decision by her late husband but instead he died alone with his foolishness. Abigail chose to submit to God instead. She moved from being a rich fool's wife to being a handsome, wise king's wife.
I do not think women are always right or should have their way all the time in marriage. I believe that submission is key to any successful marriage. I however have wondered how many Christian wives are sensitive enough to believe God and submit to Him in matters that could overturn death and bring salvation but because of a twisted idea of submission have dismissed the strong conviction that could have led to life. I even wonder if this weird idea of submission is passivity, an abdication of one's will since the husband becomes the one who shapes all things. (I am simplifying the situation I know) I am not concerned about day to day matters I am concerned about matters that shape destiny. I am concerned about the woman taking up her place in the kingdom and having a defined impact and voice of her own within the union of marriage otherwise it is not a union if only one man runs the show. Then, it is a one man show and the other is a mere audience.
I have been inspired by the few women who are married who are unafraid of having a voice that shapes destiny but equally I have felt a growing desire to see married women finding their voice and using it. What would happen if women saw what God has placed within them without shutting it down. I want to see and hear her growl like a lionesses growling for her cubs. Yes she has a voice it is distinct and it does not need to be taught because no one can be her.
Sarah submitted to Abraham and called him lord but she also had a voice that directed Isaac's destiny therefore a nation's future. She dictated Ishmael's boundary, it would be there and not here. Rachel did the same though a little more cunning. Mary said "yes" to having a baby without consulting her future husband first. She made an intense decision that would alter all of humanity without consulting any man to give her permission to follow God and do something wildly radical as give birth to The Christ. In fact, she later submitted the matter to another woman (Elizabeth) under the angels guidance.
In this hour I am finding that the ministry given by women is the most powerful and anointed than any other kind than before. I feel as though it is an anointing that has been poured out for the time but also because of a promise, that your sons and daughters shall prophecy. Yet I cannot stop feeling as though many more women, particularly the married ones are supposed to be doing this but most are too busy hiding behind their husbands.
I respect every man that has ever preached and still preaching may they continue but where are the daughters who are keeping the word that is given for you to share? However, who can demonstrate what being The Bride looks and feels like but a woman? Who will model it so that it will be cooperatively echoed and lived out until we all say in one voice "Come Lord Jesus, Come".
"My lord should not pay attention to this wicked man Nabal. He simply lives up to his name! His name means 'fool,' and he is indeed foolish! But I, your servant, did not see the servants my lord sent. "Now, my lord, as surely as the LORD lives and as surely as you live, it is the LORD who has kept you from shedding blood and taking matters into your own hands. Now may your enemies and those who seek to harm my lord be like Nabal. Now let this present that your servant has brought to my lord be given to the servants who follow my lord."
NABAL, DAVID AND ABIGAIL
Abigail's response to David was almost poetic in her choice of her words to appease his rage. She spoke to his identity and prophetically declared his destiny. David must have been so impressed by her that he thought "I wish that fool dies so that I can marry that beautiful, wise woman who understands me so well and is so convinced about my destiny in these trying days."
Nabal died. David married Abigail in 10 days she did not even get a chance to mourn. She felt honoured by David for marrying her. She could have died had she submitted to a foolish decision by her late husband but instead he died alone with his foolishness. Abigail chose to submit to God instead. She moved from being a rich fool's wife to being a handsome, wise king's wife.
I do not think women are always right or should have their way all the time in marriage. I believe that submission is key to any successful marriage. I however have wondered how many Christian wives are sensitive enough to believe God and submit to Him in matters that could overturn death and bring salvation but because of a twisted idea of submission have dismissed the strong conviction that could have led to life. I even wonder if this weird idea of submission is passivity, an abdication of one's will since the husband becomes the one who shapes all things. (I am simplifying the situation I know) I am not concerned about day to day matters I am concerned about matters that shape destiny. I am concerned about the woman taking up her place in the kingdom and having a defined impact and voice of her own within the union of marriage otherwise it is not a union if only one man runs the show. Then, it is a one man show and the other is a mere audience.
I have been inspired by the few women who are married who are unafraid of having a voice that shapes destiny but equally I have felt a growing desire to see married women finding their voice and using it. What would happen if women saw what God has placed within them without shutting it down. I want to see and hear her growl like a lionesses growling for her cubs. Yes she has a voice it is distinct and it does not need to be taught because no one can be her.
Sarah submitted to Abraham and called him lord but she also had a voice that directed Isaac's destiny therefore a nation's future. She dictated Ishmael's boundary, it would be there and not here. Rachel did the same though a little more cunning. Mary said "yes" to having a baby without consulting her future husband first. She made an intense decision that would alter all of humanity without consulting any man to give her permission to follow God and do something wildly radical as give birth to The Christ. In fact, she later submitted the matter to another woman (Elizabeth) under the angels guidance.
In this hour I am finding that the ministry given by women is the most powerful and anointed than any other kind than before. I feel as though it is an anointing that has been poured out for the time but also because of a promise, that your sons and daughters shall prophecy. Yet I cannot stop feeling as though many more women, particularly the married ones are supposed to be doing this but most are too busy hiding behind their husbands.
I respect every man that has ever preached and still preaching may they continue but where are the daughters who are keeping the word that is given for you to share? However, who can demonstrate what being The Bride looks and feels like but a woman? Who will model it so that it will be cooperatively echoed and lived out until we all say in one voice "Come Lord Jesus, Come".
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
My reflections on honour
True honour is the ability to show honour even to someone who disses honour.
(i.e.dishonour).
A story is told of a gentleman who once offered a seat to a lady. The lady refused the seat upset at the gentleman for giving her a seat she shouted: "I am not a lady!". To which he responded: "well I am a gentleman".
Perhaps there is no finer example of my thoughts on this matter.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Living: Beyond Breathing
I will not stop living because there are people dying.
I will not stop celebrating children because someone else is destroying them.
I will not stop loving because of betrayal.
I will not stop attempting great things because of failure.
I will love. I will live. I will believe as though it were my first day because that is my full inheritance.
No, I will not stop.
I will not stop being fully alive to life because of fear.
I will not be defined by disappointment.
This is my new day, every day.
I will not stop celebrating children because someone else is destroying them.
I will not stop loving because of betrayal.
I will not stop attempting great things because of failure.
I will love. I will live. I will believe as though it were my first day because that is my full inheritance.
No, I will not stop.
I will not stop being fully alive to life because of fear.
I will not be defined by disappointment.
This is my new day, every day.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Today
Today is a gift. I will breathe as though anew. I will laugh like I have no troubles.
Today I will live, truly live. I will see beauty. I will touch and feel. I will be awake to the world.
I will be aware of God's new mercies. I will shake off the old. I will shake off the voice that says I can't.
Today I will believe. I will read the signs that are whispers of a greater reality. I will follow them.
I will give voice to the Holy Spirt and be listening to His every utterance and movement.
Today I will play. I will work hard. I will fight for others and I will fight for myself to live and love fully.
Today is my gift and I will live fully and nothing can take my freedom unless I hand it over.
Today I will live, truly live. I will see beauty. I will touch and feel. I will be awake to the world.
I will be aware of God's new mercies. I will shake off the old. I will shake off the voice that says I can't.
Today I will believe. I will read the signs that are whispers of a greater reality. I will follow them.
I will give voice to the Holy Spirt and be listening to His every utterance and movement.
Today I will play. I will work hard. I will fight for others and I will fight for myself to live and love fully.
Today is my gift and I will live fully and nothing can take my freedom unless I hand it over.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Reflections of joy
I am smiling. I am peaceful. I am telling you even my lungs are happy.
This trip to His People East London has been better than medicine, and its effects better than a holiday.
I danced. I sang. I danced till my flabby tummy nearly flattened until my legs firmed.
I laughed until someone came to hug me for my laughter.
I am happy, I am free, I am easy with not a weight on my mind.
I have little to say. I am starring into midair, smiling at nothing like one in love.
This joy is to be shared and this peace to be spread.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, standfast then and do not return again to the yoke of slavery.
This trip to His People East London has been better than medicine, and its effects better than a holiday.
I danced. I sang. I danced till my flabby tummy nearly flattened until my legs firmed.
I laughed until someone came to hug me for my laughter.
I am happy, I am free, I am easy with not a weight on my mind.
I have little to say. I am starring into midair, smiling at nothing like one in love.
This joy is to be shared and this peace to be spread.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, standfast then and do not return again to the yoke of slavery.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Life is the sum of conversations
Life is a series of conversations. The direction of our lives and our well being is affected by what we have heard and how we have translated it for ourselves and how we project it to the world around us.
We exist as a result of God's conversation. We would be wise to keep our ears open towards heaven for the source of our lives and our roots are not downward but heavenward.
We exist as a result of God's conversation. We would be wise to keep our ears open towards heaven for the source of our lives and our roots are not downward but heavenward.
Self-image - God-image
Thoughts about Him and thoughts about me are in-changeable. I can't believe He is wonderful and not think I am wonderful. They go hand in hand. - Corné Pretorius
These thoughts are inspired by the above mentioned quote from Pastor Corne's facebook status.
Psalm 139: 14 says I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Here is the question how WELL do we know this about ourselves and about God? Do we marvell at His wonderful works when we look at ourselves or do we exalt our works above His. Over amplifying our good works or our bad works about His wonderful works. That is are we so conscious of what we do well or wrong that we are blinded from seeing His magnificence in and through our lives. Let us give Him the glory that is due to His Name.
Let us exalt Him by knowing and being fully conscious of His wonderful works. Some say that is true humility when we see ourselves as God sees us. It probably takes being a little bit objective and not just seeing yourself (wether way over the top or way below the truth). Either way seeing "ourselves" whether we worship ourselves or loath ourselves is some kind of false worship. It is Him we must see and us in Him in that same positive light. God absolutely adores us. I have learnt that. He loves His work. He is delighted by His work (you). Thus in loving ourselves correctly we are loving Him correctly. xxx siki dlanga
I will give you praise, for I am strangely and delicately formed; your works are great wonders, and of this my soul is fully conscious. BBE (not it's not the BEE Bible version, though that is a good thought :) Psalm 139:14
p.s. i love you :-)
These thoughts are inspired by the above mentioned quote from Pastor Corne's facebook status.
Psalm 139: 14 says I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Here is the question how WELL do we know this about ourselves and about God? Do we marvell at His wonderful works when we look at ourselves or do we exalt our works above His. Over amplifying our good works or our bad works about His wonderful works. That is are we so conscious of what we do well or wrong that we are blinded from seeing His magnificence in and through our lives. Let us give Him the glory that is due to His Name.
Let us exalt Him by knowing and being fully conscious of His wonderful works. Some say that is true humility when we see ourselves as God sees us. It probably takes being a little bit objective and not just seeing yourself (wether way over the top or way below the truth). Either way seeing "ourselves" whether we worship ourselves or loath ourselves is some kind of false worship. It is Him we must see and us in Him in that same positive light. God absolutely adores us. I have learnt that. He loves His work. He is delighted by His work (you). Thus in loving ourselves correctly we are loving Him correctly. xxx siki dlanga
I will give you praise, for I am strangely and delicately formed; your works are great wonders, and of this my soul is fully conscious. BBE (not it's not the BEE Bible version, though that is a good thought :) Psalm 139:14
p.s. i love you :-)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Poetry and Scriptures
Say
My beautiful reality
Exists within the parameters
Of the world
Of your words/
Untie the knots
Of my deception
Undress the lies
They are stinking rags/
Say a word
Shower me like rain
I close my eyes
I am crowned
With jewels
Better than diamonds
Purer than silver
I covet your words
More than gold
I wait for your voice
© siki dlanga
08 April 2011
It would be fun if you can spot which scriptures you can spot that embody each line. First stanza Gen1,John1, Hebrews11:3, Heb1:3, Stanza 2/3a, Ezek 16 , Stanza 3b, Proverbs1/2, Psalm 119 mostly..
call it a modern psalm.
Psalm 12:6 And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times.
Psalm 119:140 Your word is very pure: therefore your servant loves it
The long version for those who don't do poetry :-)
I wrote this on Friday. Thought I should put it up since Tim's sermon Sunday on "Word, Power". This is probably more Word-Love. I suppose love because I think God's love is the most powerful substance we will ever discover. I believe healing and all things associated with His power come from His love. If you are the beloved and when you hear your Lover speak, who also happens to be so powerful over all-things something within you must live for that Voice and to behold His Word. It is the love David spoke of so many times in the psalms "I love your word more than fine gold"(Ps19:10).
It is the substance that created our reality. When He sends His word we live. It is the thing Jesus spoke of, the love He spoke of when He said if you love me you will obey me. You will do what I say. Why? Simply because you love. You love so much that you live to hear that voice and then when that voice speaks when those words come they are like heaven itself because they come from the one you love with all that you are. You will quote them you will revere them. You will hide them in your heart as a treasure. You will love them and you will mutter and utter them because they came from the Creator of all things. Thus they are more potent and more important than anything you have ever encountered. They are life itself to the bones. They are bread itself and you will devour them like a starving man. They are food, the most treasured words in all the earth they are this secret that is spoken and all can hear yet few understand. As Andrew Bateman could not get over this verse “for the Jews were entrusted with the very words of God”(Rom3:2).
They are life and joy to all who believe. They are the source of salvation, they will make you clean John15:3. They are the greatest wealth greater than fine gold, wealthier than any kind of wealth is the one who has them. Therefore we keep them and we treasure them, yet must share them and they will not leave us but instead they will increase. These words will heal you. They will make you seem noble and clothe you with glory. They will cause you to be wiser than the aged. There is no end to the possibility of what will happen if we love and do God’s word. If we do not love nor know the power that comes with them we may remain in the dark for these words are even light itself, a light unto your path. There is no end to the beauty of God’s word or the joy it brings.
.
My beautiful reality
Exists within the parameters
Of the world
Of your words/
Untie the knots
Of my deception
Undress the lies
They are stinking rags/
Say a word
Shower me like rain
I close my eyes
I am crowned
With jewels
Better than diamonds
Purer than silver
I covet your words
More than gold
I wait for your voice
© siki dlanga
08 April 2011
It would be fun if you can spot which scriptures you can spot that embody each line. First stanza Gen1,John1, Hebrews11:3, Heb1:3, Stanza 2/3a, Ezek 16 , Stanza 3b, Proverbs1/2, Psalm 119 mostly..
call it a modern psalm.
Psalm 12:6 And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times.
Psalm 119:140 Your word is very pure: therefore your servant loves it
The long version for those who don't do poetry :-)
I wrote this on Friday. Thought I should put it up since Tim's sermon Sunday on "Word, Power". This is probably more Word-Love. I suppose love because I think God's love is the most powerful substance we will ever discover. I believe healing and all things associated with His power come from His love. If you are the beloved and when you hear your Lover speak, who also happens to be so powerful over all-things something within you must live for that Voice and to behold His Word. It is the love David spoke of so many times in the psalms "I love your word more than fine gold"(Ps19:10).
It is the substance that created our reality. When He sends His word we live. It is the thing Jesus spoke of, the love He spoke of when He said if you love me you will obey me. You will do what I say. Why? Simply because you love. You love so much that you live to hear that voice and then when that voice speaks when those words come they are like heaven itself because they come from the one you love with all that you are. You will quote them you will revere them. You will hide them in your heart as a treasure. You will love them and you will mutter and utter them because they came from the Creator of all things. Thus they are more potent and more important than anything you have ever encountered. They are life itself to the bones. They are bread itself and you will devour them like a starving man. They are food, the most treasured words in all the earth they are this secret that is spoken and all can hear yet few understand. As Andrew Bateman could not get over this verse “for the Jews were entrusted with the very words of God”(Rom3:2).
They are life and joy to all who believe. They are the source of salvation, they will make you clean John15:3. They are the greatest wealth greater than fine gold, wealthier than any kind of wealth is the one who has them. Therefore we keep them and we treasure them, yet must share them and they will not leave us but instead they will increase. These words will heal you. They will make you seem noble and clothe you with glory. They will cause you to be wiser than the aged. There is no end to the possibility of what will happen if we love and do God’s word. If we do not love nor know the power that comes with them we may remain in the dark for these words are even light itself, a light unto your path. There is no end to the beauty of God’s word or the joy it brings.
.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
My Theory on relating blah blah blah
Distance = time x rate
Relationally the greater the result of the distance the closer the relationship…..isn’t that wonderful!
Take God for example. He lives in infinity time(hours spent) x frequent rate (of visitation) = God living inside of you, in you around you, through you and knows your thoughts before you speak them. It’s just too cool…
“Love is not satisfied with distance!” – Joseph Prince
We stay away from those we don’t love and close to the ones we do. True or false?
One of my favourite quotes on love is Rick Warren’s “Love is spelt time.”
However, there are many ways to speak about this, some may argue that it is time spent thinking about God, or people, some may say time spent serving, time spend pondering which gifts to give an by the time they receive them they’ve no idea how much agony has gone into it and perhaps if it is not the right gift may even be received as a non-loving act, words (prayers to God), chatting with or my favourite actually spending time and being with your favourite people. If I can’t be there physically, there are sms’, phone calls (I am not big on calls I really prefer to write or to be there and drink coffee together), emails that just mean I am thinking of you even if I am not using those words exactly.
We can also bring it down to what do we do to love ourselves? I again need time by myself, the time before bed is probably one of my favourite moments of the day. If I would give myself more time then it would be great it is then I often thank God I am not married because that solo moment is just a taste of heaven. It is a quiet moment with God and self and there is time to reflect on the day, if it was a fantastic day then wonderful, if it was a terrible day then, praise God it is over. I always promise myself that I will end the day in joy no matter what, I refuse to go to bed sad as the worst moment of the day was. Then there is tomorrow, the moment of waking up in silent reflection and inner prayers to an upward God. Whispered words between God and self, a cup of coffee in a peaceful environment describes a perfect morning however it would be more perfect if I sent an sms of encouragement, or a thought or practiced writing in the morning but there is never time to do that.
There are however distances that I respect and do not temper with such as the distance between the sun and the earth and it is not that I do not love the sun or mars for that matter, I love them where they are and don’t want them any closer to earth because they serve a purpose and some relationships are a lot like that and some are galaxies away and we love each other through emails and we are all happy because we know those are the boundaries that have been drawn for us and they are good, anything closer would mess up the solar system, anything further would do the same. However they are some relationships that are kept away by mere fears as beautifully put by Miss Smith and those are not good.
Don’t ask me where you stand, if you have to ask you’re probably a star and that too is good, and I love my stars, they shine beautifully. There are always those relationships that are completely out of equilibrium of course, those that are much further than they should be and bring a certain discomfort and an adjustment within ourselves to try shift something on the inside of us to not feel those missing spaces within us or do the best we can to forget, but it never really works that well.
We simply live as we can and sometimes we should do something or simply wait, wait for healing, wait for peace, wait for love, wait for the gap to close some other way like discovering a new cousin when you lost one which you cannot forget and the pain loss will simply not go away.
Swallowed into time at an unwelcome rate and created the most horrible distance.
That is the haunting pain I sleep with every day for now. It certainly has been the thief of my good moment before sleep, while I ponder on the most beautiful relationships I have acquired this year and of course the more time I have spent with God this year, is that He is so much better than I thought He was. That is the joy I sleep to and awake up to no matter what, and I am keen to close the distance between us as much as possible, while I cannot see His face, perhaps I can but touch it, perhaps He can kiss my forehead, perhaps He can close the gap of my most intense aches of loss at a fast rate. Perhaps the year has been like picking roses this year and getting seriously pricked in the process but I have my bunch of some of the most gorgeous roses I have ever seen. I feel as though I have been hiding this year, next year I will come out and play!
May you be blessed with greater love!
Thank you for the moments of contact this year - I bet they have been rare but important nonetheless.
p.s. feel free to expound on my theory. i'm sure the scientists here will tell me that my theory is totally whacked but it works for me :)
Relationally the greater the result of the distance the closer the relationship…..isn’t that wonderful!
Take God for example. He lives in infinity time(hours spent) x frequent rate (of visitation) = God living inside of you, in you around you, through you and knows your thoughts before you speak them. It’s just too cool…
“Love is not satisfied with distance!” – Joseph Prince
We stay away from those we don’t love and close to the ones we do. True or false?
One of my favourite quotes on love is Rick Warren’s “Love is spelt time.”
However, there are many ways to speak about this, some may argue that it is time spent thinking about God, or people, some may say time spent serving, time spend pondering which gifts to give an by the time they receive them they’ve no idea how much agony has gone into it and perhaps if it is not the right gift may even be received as a non-loving act, words (prayers to God), chatting with or my favourite actually spending time and being with your favourite people. If I can’t be there physically, there are sms’, phone calls (I am not big on calls I really prefer to write or to be there and drink coffee together), emails that just mean I am thinking of you even if I am not using those words exactly.
We can also bring it down to what do we do to love ourselves? I again need time by myself, the time before bed is probably one of my favourite moments of the day. If I would give myself more time then it would be great it is then I often thank God I am not married because that solo moment is just a taste of heaven. It is a quiet moment with God and self and there is time to reflect on the day, if it was a fantastic day then wonderful, if it was a terrible day then, praise God it is over. I always promise myself that I will end the day in joy no matter what, I refuse to go to bed sad as the worst moment of the day was. Then there is tomorrow, the moment of waking up in silent reflection and inner prayers to an upward God. Whispered words between God and self, a cup of coffee in a peaceful environment describes a perfect morning however it would be more perfect if I sent an sms of encouragement, or a thought or practiced writing in the morning but there is never time to do that.
There are however distances that I respect and do not temper with such as the distance between the sun and the earth and it is not that I do not love the sun or mars for that matter, I love them where they are and don’t want them any closer to earth because they serve a purpose and some relationships are a lot like that and some are galaxies away and we love each other through emails and we are all happy because we know those are the boundaries that have been drawn for us and they are good, anything closer would mess up the solar system, anything further would do the same. However they are some relationships that are kept away by mere fears as beautifully put by Miss Smith and those are not good.
Don’t ask me where you stand, if you have to ask you’re probably a star and that too is good, and I love my stars, they shine beautifully. There are always those relationships that are completely out of equilibrium of course, those that are much further than they should be and bring a certain discomfort and an adjustment within ourselves to try shift something on the inside of us to not feel those missing spaces within us or do the best we can to forget, but it never really works that well.
We simply live as we can and sometimes we should do something or simply wait, wait for healing, wait for peace, wait for love, wait for the gap to close some other way like discovering a new cousin when you lost one which you cannot forget and the pain loss will simply not go away.
Swallowed into time at an unwelcome rate and created the most horrible distance.
That is the haunting pain I sleep with every day for now. It certainly has been the thief of my good moment before sleep, while I ponder on the most beautiful relationships I have acquired this year and of course the more time I have spent with God this year, is that He is so much better than I thought He was. That is the joy I sleep to and awake up to no matter what, and I am keen to close the distance between us as much as possible, while I cannot see His face, perhaps I can but touch it, perhaps He can kiss my forehead, perhaps He can close the gap of my most intense aches of loss at a fast rate. Perhaps the year has been like picking roses this year and getting seriously pricked in the process but I have my bunch of some of the most gorgeous roses I have ever seen. I feel as though I have been hiding this year, next year I will come out and play!
May you be blessed with greater love!
Thank you for the moments of contact this year - I bet they have been rare but important nonetheless.
p.s. feel free to expound on my theory. i'm sure the scientists here will tell me that my theory is totally whacked but it works for me :)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Being Alive
Not everyone wants to be alive. It is easier to be dead I have noticed. Everyone is born alive, tasting things for the first time and discovering new things and enjoying every discovery. At some point during growth men and women begin to die, bit by bit. The pain of life comes and stings one part and the brave continue to live and for others it is an instant death. We make vows of death such as "I will never again" we shut ourselves indoors trying to find safety but we do not realise that we shut ourselves from the sun too and the beauty of the rainbow. We die professing to be surviving. We never live.
I want to feel the sunshine pernetrate my eyes. I want to feel the heat of fire burn my hands, the cool of the rain washing my skin. I want to embrace the pain of death so that I will give it all up as I experience the fullness of life.
I want to be alive with everyone else around me.
I want to feel the sunshine pernetrate my eyes. I want to feel the heat of fire burn my hands, the cool of the rain washing my skin. I want to embrace the pain of death so that I will give it all up as I experience the fullness of life.
I want to be alive with everyone else around me.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Living is feeling
There are times in life where you invest everything that you are, you believe, wait and hope then you get nothing in return. Sometimes you give everything and expect nothing at all and then you receive everything or much more than in your wildest dreams. Perhaps one must always live in expectation because then in that place of expectation you can be found alive. You do not become dull, you remain young in every way. You mourn your disappointments and rejoice in your appointments. There is nothing more tragic that a life that is unmoved by the niether good nor bad and perhaps that is the difference between one who is alive and one who is dead. The dead do not feel therefore they do not respond. Perhaps if we allow ourselves to be unmoved by bad or good then we are slowly dying.
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