Finding the man

There are two Christian women who do not know each other whom I both respect who have both fallen in love with unlikely gentlemen. They carry God's presence and God's love like few can boast. I love being around them. They are both getting married to lovely men. Both stories are unconventional. One of these women said to me "sometimes you must love these men into Christ". These words would of course been seen as a complete heresy. Quite frankly I myself have been radically impacted by this woman's tangible love for Christ that it changed me. So I know without a doubt when she told me those words that she is not someone who is simply following her lust; nor is she driven by an unmet need or someone who will take scrapes of any left over pieces of love from any man who will offer. These are women who are overflowing with love, who find their satisfaction in God and this is precisely why their stories inspired me. In fact I think they may have inspired me into desiring a relationship that is that different or rather they have inspired me to see the folly of my own ways in having little interest in matters of love.

Unlike others who may see single hood as some kind of disease that God dishes out to those less favoured, I have been fairly proud of being single. I might have appeared humble about it, if I could have engraved it on my grave stone one day I would have written it there for all the world to see how single I was, and how great I was at it. I saw it as some kind of crown for the strong. It was my pride quite frankly and perhaps the last residue of a dying Christian feminist who does not even believe in feminism but thinks like one but would never ever admit to it. Having heard of these relationships has even brought that lie to light. It has inspired me to lay down even my most prestigious and rare "never-been-kissed-and-proud-of-it" crown. It took love like that to enable me to see myself clearly in the mirror and see the truth no one will tell me. Perhaps I was so good at disguising it that not only was it hidden from me but it was way too hidden for others to see it.


The reason I watch sport is because I love adrenaline. While they say that adrenaline is bad for you because it is like caffeine, it takes you up and then drops you. The experience of adrenaline charged moments are wonderful and memorable. In fact you can feed off them whenever you think of that moment again. I love watching people who are passionate about what they do, people who would give anything to win. While some people are stable and their relationships are stable and solid, that is good and necessary. One hopes for that, however, one hopes for passion too. As in the film "Shakespeare in Love" my favourite line of the film among many is "I want a love that overthrows life". When Jesus walked the earth it was not just another ordinary year on the year He was crucified. His words did overthrow life and the response towards Him was either extreme love and worship or extreme hatred that they nailed Him to the cross. This is why I love stories that are out of the ordinary. Unfortunately on the one hand I have been a great fan of love. I would cheer on anyone who embarks on this road and say "go ahead and do it for us too". I would give all the advice and scream on the sidelines like a fanatical sport fan and then when someone gets married I will walk away happy and I will say "yes, we won". I distinctly remember two moments of elation where I was most probably even on a higher cloud of euphoria than the people who actually got married. I remember the night Mthi and Lite got married, I was ecstatic and the night Nats and Craig got married I was too happy for someone who is not married. I was crazy happy. Like a fanatical sports fan who goes out to drink beers to celebrate a game they only watched but did not play. No one told me what I was doing all these years! This has all been brought about by these stories of these women I respect who dared to allow themselves to be led by love. I did not even go to these weddings I merely heard their stories and my world was rocked by just the shadows of their stories.

I will no longer brag about my singleness. I will do all I can to lay it down so that I can meet that strong gentleman. My pride has kept me from seeing him. My arrogance has wanted me to not even give him the possibility of a chance. My love for my own time and my own space has caused me not to create space for my dreams to yield for someone else's too. I have worshiped my unfulfilled dreams and this too must die, which must happen before I meet anyone. I want to tell myself to go and get a life! My self-sufficiency has caused me not to let another human being that close. My fears have caused me not to desire to be that vulnerable in case he is not there or he leaves me and that will bruise me as though I were the first human being in the planet that would have ever experienced that. But I do hope for someone who will love me both supernaturally and naturally, who will kiss my hand as though it were an extension of himself, but the part he loves the most about himself.


These stories also show us how deeply impactful each of our lives are. Your decisions are not your own, they have a ripple effect, sometimes it depends on how influential you are. These are the kind of women I aspire to be like in the impact of their lives in their love of God, in their wisdom and pursuit of God. This is not a story about rewriting verses so that you can date non-believers because these are believers. This is about love with a double impact, both natural and spiritual love. It is dynamic love that forces you to see with more than your natural eye but with eyes opened into the spirit in order to see what God is doing. For whatever is not of faith is sin, faith is being mindful of what God is doing or saying and then doing that or else it is not faith but dead religion. Religion is prescriptive without a brain but faith is active it responds to a living God in a particular moment. It is not about doing something wrong and hoping that God will bless your mess. Faith is pure at all times. It is truthful, it knows the voice of the One it follows.

Flying through the rainbow

I landed in Port Elizabeth with this magical welcome. It was then that I reviewed my thoughts about eBhayi and agreed that yes, it is a Friendly City for no city has ever welcomed me this warmly.

The Cape Town Akon Concert

I should be in church right now hugging sisters, holding bibles and talking about the great sermon but alas O sisters it is the night after attending an Akon concert and I am not shouting halleluas with you. I can see all the sisters shaking their heads in disgust and others muttering prayers of redemption for the great that has fallen. Instead here I am on a beautiful Sunday having woken up late. My lift is gone and I was left to recover from the Akon experience. Had I ever even been to a club before? It occurred to me that I had only ever gone as far as watching it in the movies so often that I thought I had but Akon was the one who introduced me and what an experience it was indeed. It’s a pity though that my Jesus experiences by far surpasses and outweigh anything spectacularly fun even Akon could have thrown. I however understood why so many are swallowed up into the night life.



A friend from out-of-country who is down here for a short period invited me, when she asked me if I will go with her I thought; “Are you serious? You’re asking me to go to an Akon concert? Do you have any idea how much I have been wanting to rest and that is the night I was finally going to rest. Akon, is not even on my list of things I want to do even on a day I do not want to rest.” I did not say that, I am a good friend at times. She has come from such a faraway country and she is doing such a serious job maybe she can do with some serious fun. I could not believe this, tired as I am but I am going to say “yes” even though the next day I had to go through yet another baby shower in my life after church, when does this woman finally get her rest? How I feel about baby showers is a topic for another day. This is about Akon. What do people even wear to these things? I decided that I will go in world cup fever style with my usual creative way of pulling madness together.



It was a bunch of kids who went to the concert. Where we sat mostly we seemed to be around people the same age as us and on a rare occasion people who look like older mothers (perhaps responsible parents who want to know what their teens are up to). What do I know about concerts I have only been to a few free concerts at the Waterfront, jazz festivals in Cape Town and street parties. I am a good Christian girl to top it all. There are boring sinners and there are boring saints and I am neither.



After waiting and waiting Akon eventually appears on stage tall, dark, really dark and with a handsome voice. Initially when I had been thinking about this invitation to go to an Akon concert I was rather tormented. I was thinking O no, Akon. Give me jazz, a certain kind of hip-hop, almost anything South African, Latino, House, rock my world I will be happy but this. This. Let me explain to you what kind of tormented thoughts Akon gave me prior the concert. I have been a diligent commuter in Cape Town taxis mainly Wynberg to Cape Town route. Need I say more. I had seen far too many toothless gatjies fighting for me to get into their taxis and the music blurring. Here I would be in these unfavourable circumstances of being in taxis with blurring speakers and it always seemed to be the same one. A toothless smile singing to me “Lonely, I am so lonely” so loud would be the music you could hardly stop the taxi and somehow you always manage to stop it at the right stop in spite of what you have suffered. By the time you are out of the taxi you are praying for the gift of loneliness and wanting to curse the guy who is responsible for releasing that cd.

My younger brother Nganga helped prepare me gradually not to despise Akon. He does not know how I felt about him though. I hope Akon returns the favour to my brother one day. However having listened to my brother it gave me some kind of hope that I can perhaps attend this concert and see what happens. I have a sense of adventure and have a way of taking myself places I do not really want to go. I did not tell my friend of my apprehension – I had decided to be in the same spirit as hers. I was the first to dance. I danced to “Lonely” and found justice and peace in “I am sorry you can put the blame on me”. I accepted the apology as Akon's music was something I blamed him for from that moment I enjoyed the concert even more before Akon took things to the next level. A level I was uncertain I wanted to go to. He had the craziest DJ, he was crazy I loved him, he was the modern day Mr. T. To qualify to be a Mr. T you need a serious beard to go with your Mohican hair cut. He had these white framed sunglasses and wore a waist coat that matched his skirt or was it a kilt. He would every now and again jump ontop of his DJ table. He was crazy crazy crazy. A black man in a designer skirt was quite a sight. He is a brave man. Brave or a complete show off which he seemed as though he is both and both suit him.



The next thing Akon arrived walking inside of what had the appearance of a bubble. He sang as he walked in this really cool bubble before he rolled the bubble over the crowd as hands of fans pushed him along. Then he sang the forbidden song “Take it Off” urging all to take something off and wave it around. He was at that time half naked showing off how fit his upper body was. It was at this moment that I thought of our beloved Benny McCathy. I was so glad he wasn’t seeing this because if he only looked like that he would have been part of the squad. His heart would be aching if he saw Akon’s figure and muscles all just for singing - well, I should not have felt sorry for Benny as the photographer found Benny’s face in the audience. The fans forgot about Akon for a second. It must have been a humbling moment for Akon. Benny stole some of his show. Benny a man after our former minister of finance’s heart (Trevor), Alan Boesak and following after the famous footsteps of men like Chester Williams and in it together with men like Brian Habbanah was shown standing next to a blond woman. At that point I made a quick prayer for our beloved golden boy Steven Pienaar and said: “O please we need him focused for this world cup please let no blond woman cross his path. Please, maybe later but not now, please. Amen.”



When the screen found Benny he beamed besides the pretty blond as crowds screamed. I can assure, Benny did not look troubled. Why would he be troubled if every newspaper is writing about him and every commentator talking about him and people’s brothers calling him Benny MacDonalds. He must think that kind-of has a ring to it, Benny Mac. He kind of likes it. I was thinking of writing a book called Lessons learnt from Benny’s dismal exit. Benny would then sue me and realise that he will not smile all the way to the bank if he sues me and looks at me and thinks, why destroy a sweet black woman with small aspirations. I would thank Benny with another book called Lessons learnt from Benny’s great moments and from hence forth I would sit with the blond and the brown and we will all live happily ever after.



Akon made a speech about how he is not part of the world cup artists because he will not be a part of something that exploits Africa once again. What does the World Cup song have anything to do with Africa? Viva Akon. As I sit here listening to the river and about to leave for the babyshower, I am thankful for my experience. I secretly tried to release fireballs. I kind of thought it worked more on me than on the crowd. It was fun. It was most certainly not a wasted ticket and I will smile back at the toothless guy in the taxi as he sings to me "Lonely, I'm so lonely".

Are you ready for an African World Cup?

The world cup is upon us. We do not guarantee you 100 percent safety. If you are a journalist we do not guarantee you that one of our country’s youth leaders will not throw you out if you ask a question that displeases him. We cannot guarantee you that we will not have any form of political drama or any kind of drama for that matter. No one is ever sure what will happen next here. The climate hardly fails us. The action never stops. The only real trauma you should experience in South Africa is too much excitement.
The people are warm and friendly. There are no animals on the road we actually boast one of the best cities in the world. When you get here your mother will drag you away you will be so stunned. We guarantee that you will have an amazing experience in South Africa. The only way to bored in this land is if you are dead and that is the only way I can think of boredom is death because I have never been there. It is hard to imagine that even the dead in our land could be possibly bored because we have the most exciting dead. At their death they have caused much controversy. In fact so interesting is our dead that some of them are still on trial. Let me assure you that you are not just coming here for football or soccer as we call it you are coming here for the time of your life. You will live to tell of your experience here to your children, their children and the story will become a legacy.

Let me prepare you a little bit more; South Africa is such a beautiful country you might not want to leave. I have spoken to countless tourists who get here and once they are here they do not want to leave. The women are all so beautiful you might just be dazed and eventually you will not be able to pick one your best bet is a foreign woman because at least you can pick her out among the rest. I have seen tourists smiling in the streets I would swear they must be in heaven. In fact I remember once as a student; I was a waitress and my German customers could not stop looking at me smiling from ear to ear. Their eyes collectively could not leave me. I eventually became concerned as I thought surely something must be wrong but they are shy to tell me perhaps they thought that I would finally get it. I gathered up courage and asked if all was well. They answered in unison “Oh, you are just wonderful. We are not used to such friendly people.” I feared that they might just take me with. The honest truth is that I am not that amazing there are better South Africans far friendlier than I could ever wish to be and yet the least one in the nation was something to marvel at.

I have told you of our imperfections. You will see our mess, you will see our poor, and you will see our rich. We have a third world and a first world in one country. We have the largest inequality gap in the world the last time I checked. One more thing; please do us a favour if you are white please, please do not criticize our white people. Do not do that. We do not like it because we can do that all by ourselves we do not appreciate it when outsiders think they are more righteous because we know they are not. I know you will be tempted just bite your tongue when the temptation comes, at that moment just think about your own history and you will realise that your history is possibly the same. Yes there is crime here but I know people who never encountered crime while they lived here until they moved to England, Paris or Italy then they got mugged. My fear is not that you will be mugged, you might be but security promises to be tight and I truly hope it will not happen to you as it would be sad if it does happen to you.

My only real fear about your visit is that you will not want to leave. Am I arrogant? Am I overconfident? I will prove to you that I am not. I have encountered numerous foreigners who are still yearning and dreaming of seeing this land again. It is as if they must return here or move here. This too has happened and still happening.

The famous Jan van Riebeeck never left this land when he landed on its shores today we still have thousands of his descendants that testify of his love for this country. History tells us he was destined to the East but he landed here and he could not get himself to go any further. He remained. The rest is history. I will not mention Britain or Germany. I am eternally grateful that France never made it South because it would have been a terrible thing if we spoke French like some West African nations. We fortunately did not loose our own mother tongues unlike our West African countries and those Colonised by the Portuguese. This means that you will have more to see because our culture is preserved with the languages. Where was I? Ok, sorry this is about why it will be difficult for you to leave this country as I was saying - our country is so beautiful and so rich Britain fought a bloody war all along the South African coast line. There was 100 years of battles in the Eastern Cape against Xhosas. There were wars fought against Zulus. There was a war between the English and Dutch for the same land today the descendants still remember that war. Blood was spilt for a piece of this magical land. Blood my friend. Do you still think I am exaggerating?

I know that you will not spill any more blood however you will be met by very loving warm South Africans who love this country. The battle will be however a little different this time; the nations will battle against each other. The war will be over a small piece of green land and the weapon will be the Jabulani ball. Whoever wins gets to walk away with a chunk of our gold. I hope we will walk away with the gold. Those who know soccer know that this is a giant leap of faith - but this land begs me to believe. South Africans love being South African but we are delighted that we will be hosting the nations. We have been waiting for you and you will feel it. Do not believe those who have told you that it will be a disastrous event.
We live in the edge of excitement. We are hospitable people and you will be very entertained. If you are expecting elephants and lions in the street I am sorry you will be very disappointed we actually have roads and street lights and tall buildings and things like that you know. I have only seen a lion in my dreams and photographs so do not get your hopes up. If you want to see lions we will tell you where to find them so do not worry - we are ready for you, are you ready for the African experience? The party is on!