Dear Black Man

#DearBlackMan yesterday I found myself sharing a secret all black women know. I don't know what came over me to say such a thing to a non-black-woman. I told this fellow sister-who-cant-get-a-tan (this is just to make you laugh Samantha), that, no black woman lives in fear of wondering whether you #DBM like her or not. In fact she is always sure that of course you like her since you give her very little reason to believe otherwise. Of course, the-sister-who-cant-get-a-tan, could not believe this.

I told her the question is never does he like her, the question is does she like him? Black women spend their days ducking from the calls of adoration from the #DearBlackMan.

This was after yet another unsuccessful solo time I tried to have the other night, the #DearBlackMan thought it is yet again, just his moment, of course. Well, there is a huge downside as you can imagine even though other male species have been said to need a drink before they can boldly say things to a woman.

The #DearBlackMan is rather overly confident of himself, which also translates into the dear black woman's overconfidence about her demand. Which is a dangerous situation for everyone. Good innocent #DearBlackMen who are not trying to do the same are unfortunately at first most likely to be painted with the same brush. Poor good man, suffering once more.

Also, the dear black man because of his overconfidence and sport of picking up women at will, may end up with several women at the same time. Which is just wrong.
Second, this also feeds in the black woman's insecurity of being willing to take a man who is already taken just because he offers himself to her as though he did not have two other girl friends.

I have heard too many black women accept the unacceptable. I would even say that our black woman feed this monster. It is no surprise that the two crimes we have witnessed of late are two black young men who have wives, yet have known girlfriends. Of course not all men are like this. To say that would be to betray the very point of #DearBlackMan.

The other problem is of course to produce very skeptical black woman like myself who simply refuses to be outsmarted by the well practiced charms of the #dearblackman. Unfair to some, but fair to a lot. I hope I have not betrayed the sisterhood here.

Churchill Quote

'Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.'

~ Winston Churchill 

Letters to my Child: your name

#LetterstomyChild
Beloved child, don't you ever forget your name you hear?

Others may try to change it to suit their tongue. You may dislike it and change it because you have heard too many whispers and you may doubt yourself.

You may forget who you are. When you forget you will become anything the first person decides you will be. You are not your insecurities.

You are beloved. You are created in the only image worth imitating, the image of the one and only Holy God. Shake off all other images for they are false images.

Letters to my Child

#Letterstomychild
Precious child, however old you are, wherever you may find yourself, when you are broken do not fight it.
Yield to the thumping sound. If you do, you will not shatter into pieces when the hammer is greater than you can bear. Be too soft to break so that God can easily mold what He wishes. So that the enemy finds pleasure only for a little while but soon he shall realise that his hammer was a useful tool. For you will not be scattered nor will you have to explain yourself.

Dear Child, learn the art of surrender, you might never have to fight. You will only ever fight yourself to surrender after that you are the winner. You will learn that the hammer is not your greatest adversary or form of suffering but you and your choices are.

Jada Pinkett-Smith Confronts the Hip Hop Culture's ideologies on women and men

 Stolen from Facebook

Jada Pinkett-Smith: "The War on Men Through the Degradation of Woman"

As we look at societies where the women are lost, struggling for education and otherwise disregarded, versus those who consider women the center of their communities, Jada's words ring all the more truer. Read what she has to say below:

How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye's of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only.

The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection.

There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can't recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer.

He doesn't recognize that the [creation] of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.

He doesn't recognize that it's his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man's heart and a man's heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER out weigh love.

May we all find our way.

Jada Pinkett-Smith

DearBlackMan's greeting will save the day

Yesterday, after a long day, on my way to see a very gracious #dearwhiteman, I am worried that I am just not in a great emotional space. There are too many thoughts in my head and I have not been able to shake them off as things have been so intense. I do not want to dump anything heavy on him as I love processing in my head/heart first. However I cannot shake off the heaviness as I am still caught up in the emotion of it all and the questions are plaguing my mind. I do not want to be heavy but I am. Then, I walk past  a #DearBlackMan in my pensive state. I am also rushing. He is a security guard and full of dignity. He looks at me or was it right past my pensive face and into my soul. With dignity and patient purpose he says: "Hello sisi". I look back at him quickly as though surprised that someone would find it within them to greet such a pensive person who is walking fast. I look back at him, curiously, honoured and I say "molo bhuti." 

As I looked him greet me I felt his entire soul physically uplift me, like one placing me on their shoulders to remind me that someone thinks I am great. 

I felt him lift me up with every ounce of his being. My heaviness left immediately and I was amazed at how it was that one can greet another with such simple words and yet simultaneously 'unburden' them. How do you greet someone using only two words and yet leave them feeling as though you lifted them on your shoulders? Exalting them above yourself and thus above their own problems? I have experienced this on several occasions, but this time was the second most memorable moment, well, excluding one other greeting by an older dear white man that whose simple greeting became not so simple and powerful. It was a greeting that changed the atmosphere and left light mysteriously hovering above where we sat. We talked of it for days to come. Well, he only greeted me that way, to my horror making me the center of attention while I was completely unprepared for this sudden spotlight particularly from someone so influential. Someone who was only supposed to walk past me, as they often did. I did not judge them for it either, I expected to be ignored. This was a man whose name I dared not ask. All I knew was that he was important to those who walked with him as they seemed to worship the ground he walked and positioned their speech so that he may favour them. He was in his fine working suits. I was just young and doing something worthwhile but bottom of the chain but he greeted me like he'd met the most important person there. It was awkward but amazing. Of course that was a once off situation. Sometimes that is all you need.

Yesterday was not a once off situation. I have been healed by many nameless a #dearblackman on the road on many occasions. He will find an honest soul to soul or spirit to spirit connection in the most effortless and natural way, saying 'hello' and meaning it to his core. The results will be almost spiritual. It will be as though he sees your soul. He sees that you are good and he awakens that goodness with a compassionate greeting.

A few minutes later I met my friend, as gracious, humble as he always is. It had been a long day at his work too. I was joyful and light and dancing to the music of the marimbas playing next to where I found him. I was so glad that the nameless #dearblackman interrupted me with his soulful, uplifting "hello" because it would have taken much longer to feel joyful.

#DearBlackMan you are the most emotionally intelligent and spiritually aware human being I know. You are a healer and I am a better woman because of you. You have been aware everytime I have I found myself in a heavy space and you make it your duty to take off the yoke off my shoulders so that I can walk taller. So that I can remember what is important. So that I can believe and keep going. #DearBlackMan particularly you who is without status because of the job you hold, I honour you and I thank you for stopping to uplift me with your simple "hello or molo". It is as though you exist to strengthen me. Wait a minute... you did this for me in Israel too in my brief encounter with me. DearBlackMan you are the most compassionate, strengthening human being indeed. 

Cape Town's Moment

All eyes seem to be on Cape Town. The ANC celebrates its 103 celebrations in Cape Town the place where there has been much talk about racism particularly in the last few months. The ANC's choice then to bring their celebrations to Cape Town is strategic. It will be a success for that day, I do not know if it will be a success in the months to follow. It is however an important gesture to put pressure against racism perhaps. 

Cape Town is also the place where the fire of revival is supposed to breakout. Revival looks like restitution, reconciliation and healing. It's not some airy fairy thing. Cape Town is perhaps facing her finest hour. She was born to rewrite the books of history. She will turn the city on its head. She will heal the nations. If this fire is real it's going to look like love! Wait a minute didn't Jim Lafoon address this about Cape Town and the fire in relationships and healing? I think it's time to dance to the tune of healing fire. There's no denying it now. The music is only just beginning. The fire is only about to get hotter. Dance by choice or by...