DearBlackMan

A young ambitious #DearBlackMan on the 4 of July says: "You have a vision for all of Africa. What is it about South Africans? That is fascinating, whenever I speak to a South African they have a vision for the whole continent of Africa. In America we don't, not even in Europe. What is it about Africa?"
#proudlySouthAfrican ✊🏽👊🏿

DearBlackMan: Coffee & Jasmine

It's Friday, whatever happened to Thursday?? I totally missed blessing #DearBlackMan until he served me coffee like a queen at M&B. Holding the cup with both hands and almost bowing to me as he hands it to me looking at me with dignity and with a smile.

He does this as though it were not his job but his absolute pleasure to serve me. He switches between English and Xhosa with ease as though it were one language. He is not his job. He is a prince who chooses to be a servant. I walk away honoured, feeling as though no tip would ever be equivalent to such humanizing and dignifying service.

It was the same story when I once stopped two #DBM walking to their construction work. Rough hands that handle bricks and other dusty and heavy materials.

Dressed in his Orlando Pirates shirt with pride, I asked him to do something for me that was clearly unexpected and unusual. "Uxolo bhuti. Ndicela undisikele la-flower torho."
I asked him to snip a flower for me. The flower was jasmine and I had to have it.

The two men immediately fell into a sacred kind of silence. No one dared to say a word even though they had been chatting as they walked. He reached upwards where it was too high for me to reach. And with his calloused hardworking hands he reached the jasmine with trembling hands. Unsure how to pick it. Too honoured to ask why it is that I needed such a flower.

He broke off the smallest amount of jasmine imaginable, purely out of nervousness.
He turned around towards me to give me this prize. He held this little branch with both hands. Hands almost trembling.

The silence almost sacred. He hands it to me as though it had been his idea all along. He hands it to me as though it were a wedding ring and would I do him the honour of accepting it.

This is all without a word.
His friend too stood motionless. I thanked him and they walked away awestruck and unable to even ask me why I wanted the flower.

They walked away in complete silence. even I wondered what had just happened. I would have instructed him to break off a bigger branch but the moment had been far too sacred.

#DearBlackMan you are a man of great honour. You are not your job. You are a prince in servants clothing.

Good Looking DearBlackMan

I just complimented a very good looking #DearBlackMan on his shirt. Truth is his haircut was on point. And the texture of his hair is just simply stunning. His shoes and pants are just the right colour combination. The trouble is, I couldn't possibly tell him all of that as it would have all seemed like I was trying to do something of which I really wasn't.

I complimented a young dear white man on his hat the other day. The way he also lit up as this one did, this reveals to me that people are stingy out there with compliments.

But, once I saw a #dearblackman who was so smart and good looking on a train to work once. I was so awestruck I couldn't even bring myself to compliment him. Instead I nearly got off the wrong train station. I thought such silly things only happen in the movies. Thankfully I have only been awestruck once. So no jumping off the wrong station.
#confessionsofablackwoman #fortheloveofmensfashion

Dear Black Man

#DearBlackMan yesterday I found myself sharing a secret all black women know. I don't know what came over me to say such a thing to a non-black-woman. I told this fellow sister-who-cant-get-a-tan (this is just to make you laugh Samantha), that, no black woman lives in fear of wondering whether you #DBM like her or not. In fact she is always sure that of course you like her since you give her very little reason to believe otherwise. Of course, the-sister-who-cant-get-a-tan, could not believe this.

I told her the question is never does he like her, the question is does she like him? Black women spend their days ducking from the calls of adoration from the #DearBlackMan.

This was after yet another unsuccessful solo time I tried to have the other night, the #DearBlackMan thought it is yet again, just his moment, of course. Well, there is a huge downside as you can imagine even though other male species have been said to need a drink before they can boldly say things to a woman.

The #DearBlackMan is rather overly confident of himself, which also translates into the dear black woman's overconfidence about her demand. Which is a dangerous situation for everyone. Good innocent #DearBlackMen who are not trying to do the same are unfortunately at first most likely to be painted with the same brush. Poor good man, suffering once more.

Also, the dear black man because of his overconfidence and sport of picking up women at will, may end up with several women at the same time. Which is just wrong.
Second, this also feeds in the black woman's insecurity of being willing to take a man who is already taken just because he offers himself to her as though he did not have two other girl friends.

I have heard too many black women accept the unacceptable. I would even say that our black woman feed this monster. It is no surprise that the two crimes we have witnessed of late are two black young men who have wives, yet have known girlfriends. Of course not all men are like this. To say that would be to betray the very point of #DearBlackMan.

The other problem is of course to produce very skeptical black woman like myself who simply refuses to be outsmarted by the well practiced charms of the #dearblackman. Unfair to some, but fair to a lot. I hope I have not betrayed the sisterhood here.

Churchill Quote

'Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.'

~ Winston Churchill 

Letters to my Child: your name

#LetterstomyChild
Beloved child, don't you ever forget your name you hear?

Others may try to change it to suit their tongue. You may dislike it and change it because you have heard too many whispers and you may doubt yourself.

You may forget who you are. When you forget you will become anything the first person decides you will be. You are not your insecurities.

You are beloved. You are created in the only image worth imitating, the image of the one and only Holy God. Shake off all other images for they are false images.

Letters to my Child

#Letterstomychild
Precious child, however old you are, wherever you may find yourself, when you are broken do not fight it.
Yield to the thumping sound. If you do, you will not shatter into pieces when the hammer is greater than you can bear. Be too soft to break so that God can easily mold what He wishes. So that the enemy finds pleasure only for a little while but soon he shall realise that his hammer was a useful tool. For you will not be scattered nor will you have to explain yourself.

Dear Child, learn the art of surrender, you might never have to fight. You will only ever fight yourself to surrender after that you are the winner. You will learn that the hammer is not your greatest adversary or form of suffering but you and your choices are.